As I sat in my room on Monday night I was just really feeling a desperation for Jesus.  I’ve been in a place of real longing and needing more of him and having less of myself.  I felt that night like I was supposed to begin a 2 day speech/phone/email fast.  Now, I’d never done anything like it before, and for those who know me know that I do enjoy talking/texting/emailing lol :)

The first day of the fast was wonderful.  I spent literally the entire day in the Prayer Room just reading the word.  It wasn’t really difficult not to talk that day, but rather I made it my goal to sing and pray with my spirit and not my words.  It’s a totally different experience worshipping God without words.  The engagement with God is a totally different experience.  It was awesome.  Also, I thougth not having my phone or computer on me was going to be really difficult, but it alleviated all distractions.  

I had already told someone that I was going to sub for them so that night I did a set in the JPR.  It was so awesome that the first words out of my mouth were worship to Jesus.  In all honesty after the set, I didn’t stick with the fast for the rest of the night, but went out with a friend…oops lol.  But I did pick it up again the next day.

Going into yesterday I was actually kind of excited because Tuesday went so well.  [Let's pause and think about how God operates.  I think we can all agree that one day it's raisin cakes and the next it's desert.  No, not dessert like the good sweet stuff, but desert, like the place where the sand gets stuck in your teeth.  I'm really trying to learn how to embrace those times knowing that he takes those ashes and gives beauty ; that laying down my life is the only way to his life.]  Tuesday was HARD!  It wasn’t so much that I wanted to talk, but more that God was doing stuff in my heart in the silence.  I’ve been praying that I would be able to lay down my life at the cross and take up his.  Asking that He would take away everything not of Him.  Remind me not to pray that anymore jk.  In summary God is doing a work in me and though it hurts I know at the end of the day, when it’s all said and done, I will be shining as a reflection of the Son.

I realized a few things during this fast:

1) I think that people don’t always understand why someone would choose to do a speech fast, and they don’t really know how to act.  I guess I would have put myself in this boat before Monday night.  One thing that people were constantly doing was talking to me and trying to get me to talk by asking me questions.  It really felt like people just didn’t care that I was trying to set my heart to seek the Lord, but felt the liberty to heckle me because I’m the type of person who almost always has something to say.  If someone decided to go on a food fast, would you walk up to them with their favorite meal and eat it right in the face?  Or if someone’s on a entertainment fast would you follow them around with a TV?  If you loved and respected them most likely not.  So why is it ok to try and cause someone else to stumble during a speech fast?  Now, most people are just doing things in jest, but what I realized about myself is how often I don’t take people  seriously.

2) I also realized that much of what we say as individuals really isn’t important.  Not that it’s idle speech necessarily, but most times we say things for selfish ambitions.  What I mean is that we often say things that try and make ourselves look good or that we want to be the “funny one”.  I know that’s something I always do and I would say a lot of responses like that are do to human insecurities.  We all need to have our foundation rooted in the love of God.  Not that we can’t be quirky and individualistic, but if we really think about why we say the things we say, I find that most of it is just to defend ourselves and make ourselves look good.

I hope to incorporate more scriptures into my posts, and as I learn the word I know I will.

Matt. 16:25